This week.....

I felt challenged again. Reminded may actually be more accurate. God in his grace, reminded me that my life, was really his. But what does that really mean? To me? To anyone? For me, it meant something pretty significant. It meant that my life was God's. All of it. The good, the bad, the mountains and the valley's. All his. The days where I look good, the days where I am a mess are His too. The seasons of freedom, where I am an overcomer, and the times where I find myself wallowing in the trough with the pigs, much like the prodigal son, those days belong to Him. From the times i spent playing soccer back to the times where I spent my nights alone. His. Every time i was strong, His, every time I was weak, I was hurt, they belong to him too. Jesus paid for my life on the cross, bore the shame and punishment of my sin. So I would not have to. But I did anyways. For 20 years. Ever since I was six, I began collecting. Every thoughtless insult, every putdown, everytime I was overlooked or ignored, both real and imagined. I kept them. Everytime my father forgot to call, everytime I was ignored by parents. I wrapped my fingers around them as if i could stop them by shapinig them if i just held on. Growing up without a father. That was mine. Not having a relationship with my mom, i carried that too. I felt that I had broad shoulders so i could carry more, so I did. I picked up every bit of baggage the enemy laid at my feet. Guilt, shame, fear, insecurity. I kept it all. Every hurtful memory kept those too.

Then God moved

He reminded me that all of those things were his. Paid for by the blood of his Son. Purchased. I was left with redemption, while he bore my shame.

"Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke it is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11.28-30

In that moment I realized the burden I have been carrying, was not mine. All these years I've let the chains of slavery remain, because I had forgotten that

It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery Gal 5.1

I realize now the cost of my sin. I've lost many friendships because I was holding on so tightly to the hurt from my past. I've ruined friendships, relationships because i refused to let people in. Because I didn't want them to see my shame, my weakness. I had come to believe I was toxic, and I thought naively that I could do this on my own. Are there more crippling words than that? That's exactly what Satan does, divide and conquer. Seperate us from the community of faith, and wear us down with lies.

In that moment, it was like Christ had showed me a picture, of Him standing in front of me. It is his body that is scarred. Those wounds belong to him too. The chains, he lifted them off ages ago, all i had to do was let go.

It is for freedom he has set me free.

Amen.